Friday, January 16, 2009

Weighty worries...

As you know, I am the very proud momma of a 23 month old and a 4 month old (as of Sunday). Well, along with that comes the weight gain. I gained 38 pounds with this last pregnancy and have lost 25 of them. YAY!

Well, you think that would be satisfactory. I only have 13 pounds to go, right? Well, technically yes. However, I started the pregnancy off at a higher weight than I would have liked.

Before I had Rex (first-born son), I was 155 pounds. That is a fairly nice weight on me. I am a swimmer and I am pretty strong, so I know that I will never be one of those stick-insects. I am 5'8" and should weigh around 140 if you believe the "charts."

In attempting to get pregnant with Rex, I was placed on hormones for about a year (long story for another time) and consequently gained 12 pounds, putting me at 167. Still not a bad weight, but I had to move from size 8 bottoms to a size 10. It seems with every 10 pounds I go up a size.

So now I am a 12 on the bottom. Not bad and if I stayed this size forever and was able to stay strong and healthy that would be fine.

I think...

See when I was younger, I dated the skinniest man on the planet (or so it felt). He was 120 pounds (soaking wet) and about 6 feet tall. Yeah, I know. Obviously something was up...he was an anorexic. And he wanted me to be one, too.

He asked me out when I was a bit heavier (freshman 15 or 20 from college). I weighed at 20 what I weigh now, except I didn't have pregnancy to blame for it. So the extra weight showed up in my face and other areas that don't get affected when you gain weight from pregnancy. We went out many times and really enjoyed ourselves. This was March-May of 1996.

Then I went to Belize to participate on an archaeological dig in a cave in the wilds of the western forest. It was a physically demanding two weeks and I lost about ten pounds after fording rivers, climbing boulders, you name it...

So you know where this is going, right? The boyfriend said, "I like the way you look, and I would probably break up with you if you gained the weight back." Okay, had I been me, only at my age now, I would have said, "I know how I can lose 120 pounds real fast...," but I didn't have the guts to say it.

I continued trying to lose weight for him, through a combination of a lot of exercise (think swimming 5 days a week, averaging a mile each time) and his brilliant idea of "skipping lunch." I would actually sneak lunch the way I sneak J. Crew shoes into the house now...except sneaking food is really messed up. If he ever saw me eating at lunch, or overeating, he would give me the look. It was awful. I guess sort of abusive, huh?

It took me forever to fall out of love with him. He was "the one" of your youth that just makes you crazy, dramatic, impulsive, and yet at the same makes you feel amazing (even through all the weight crap).

I eventually got down to 129 pounds. Some of you tall ladies out there are thinking, "so what--that is what I weigh." Well, let me put it to you like this...you could count my ribs from about 6 feet away. Yeah, that's real healthy.

Sometime I will post pictures of me real thin and you decide. If you are freaky, you may go for the super-skinny girl that I once was...and although I have my days where I want that (see what happens when you mess with girls when they are young?)...I really truly believe I need to celebrate health and vitality, not skin and bones.

4 comments:

Melanie said...

I found your blog through J.Crew Aficionadas. When I read this post, I was so mad that your old boyfriend would act like that! It seems so sad that he would value your looks over your health - seeing ribs poking out is definitely not a good sign! And I can relate to that "first love" mentality too. It's tough. How did you finally end things with him?

dinagideon said...

Thank you, Melanie! (You are my first comment...smile!)

I ended things with him by growing up, really. I was about 23 and right about then I discovered my confidence. Although I still loved him, and crazily enough he was starting to act more like a human being towards me, way too much water had gone under the bridge at that point to salvage the relationship.

Also helping seal the deal was that my good friend became someone I could see being with romantically. I am married to him today. (He HATED my ribs being visible, he over-fed me for the first year...) Even now, at my heavier weight, he still thinks I am "sexy." It feels nice to know that someone cherishes me no matter what my appearance is...I think he loves me for my mothering skills over anything else.

I hope all is going well for you and that you only have happy times with your special someone!

Snea said...

wow, that guy needs a mental check. yay for hubby over-feeding you like awesome friends should! :D that is what i call some true love. ;)

dinagideon said...

Snea:

Thank you for posting (you are #2..smile). Jim did over-feed me, and still takes me out on the town for good food.

Although I can't wear a size 2 or 4 in J. Crew, I watch my weight enough to still be able to wear their clothing! :)

Hope you have a great, yummy day yourself!